Domestic Violence: Do you know what it is?

Read on to find out what the correct answer is 😉

During my journey through life I have experienced domestic violence first hand and also witnessed it against others.  Despite the fact that I had been through a domestic violence program back in 2000-2001 I still was subjected to DV ten years later.  Fortunately the 2nd time around I knew enough to see it for what it was BEFORE it escalated to physical abuse.

Thanks to the media and Hollywood I feel we think that domestic violence is only physical.  The misconception is that you are only a victim of domestic violence if you are being hit/beaten.  This is not the case, there are many forms of domestic violence.  Just because you don’t see bruises or physical signs of abuse does not mean that abuse is not occurring.

In my last relationship there was no physical abuse.  I was not hit, beaten or sexually assaulted, but yet I was in a relationship that included domestic violence.  Could it be that we hear the word VIOLENCE and assume that it must involve physical violence?  For me the domestic violence included but was not limited to: emotional abuse and controlling.

One must remember that domestic violence is ALWAYS about POWER AND CONTROL!!  What is power and control?  HERE is the POWER and CONTROL wheel.  I invite you to take a look at it and get a better understanding about power and control in relationships!

Here is a table that gives examples of behaviors from the Power and Control Wheel:

Using Intimidation*
  • Making you afraid by using looks, actions, or gestures.
  • Smashing things.
  • Destroying property.
  • Abusing pets.
  • Displaying weapons.
Using Emotional Abuse*
  • Putting you down.
  • Making you feel bad about yourself.
  • Calling you names.
  • Making you feel guilty.
  • Making you think you are crazy.
  • Playing mind games.
  • Humiliating you.
Using Isolation*
  • Controlling what you do, whom you see and talk to, what you read, and where you go.
  • Limiting your outside involvement.
  • Using jealousy to justify actions.
Denying, Blaming, Minimizing*
  • Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously.
  • Saying the abuse didn’t happen
  • Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior to other people or circumstances.
  • Saying you caused the abuse.
Using Children*
  • Making you feel guilty about the children.
  • Using the children to relay messages.
  • Using visitation to harass you.
  • Threatening to take the children away
Using Male Privilege*
  • Making all the big decisions.
  • Acting like “Master of the Castle”.
  • Being the one to define men’s and women’s roles.
  • Treating you like a servant.
Using Economic Abuse*
  • Preventing you from getting or keeping a job.
  • Making you ask for money.
  • Giving you an allowance.
  • Taking your money.
  • Not letting you know about or have access to family income.
Using Coercion and Threats*
  • Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt you.
  • Threatening to “out” you.
  • Threatening to leave you, to commit suicide, to report you to Welfare authorities.
  • Making you do illegal things.

Forms of Domestic Violence

There are 10!! Yes TEN forms of domestic violence.  They are:

Physical:        

Kicking, punching, shoving, slapping, pushing, and any other acts which hurt your body.

Sexual:           

Calling you vulgar names, criticizing your body parts or sensuality, forced or pressured sexual acts, including rape.

Emotional:     

Assaults against your self-esteem

Verbal:           

Name-calling, threats, put-downs.

Psychological:

Causing you to feel as if you are “going crazy”.

Spiritual:

Attacking your spiritual or religious beliefs.

Financial:

Controlling and manipulating you by threatening your economic status and basic needs.

Homophobic:

Threatening to “out” you to people who do not know your sexual orientation (as applicable if you are homosexual)

Immigration:  

Using your immigration status and fear of deportation to control you. (as applicable)

Destructive Acts:      

Actual or threatened assault of your property or pets to scare you.

*I copied these from the Domestic Violence Information and Referral Book.  Please take time to look over this book.  After a lot of time researching information about DV I found this to be the best source.

REMEMBER domestic violence is NEVER OKAY!  If you are in a domestic violence situation and need help click  HERE!

3 Responses to Domestic Violence: Do you know what it is?

  1. toddler2teen says:

    I think people would be surprised to find they all have experienced one of these. You know I did and never really knew it. Then again I was married to a sociopath and didn’t realize it either.

    • annstrongheart says:

      @toddler2teen

      Yeah I definitely think we have all experienced some form or another of domestic violence or are experiencing them now I would imagine. But being informed and knowing that it doesn’t have to be that way is important. Simply knowing that you aren’t alone and you aren’t trapped and you aren’t the only one going through it or that others have gone through it and ended the vicious circle is immensely helpful.

      Thanks for always being there for me!!! I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. No matter what happened, no matter the decisions I make you are ALWAYS there!! Love ya!!

  2. FEDUP!!! says:

    Just remember that in the Frontiersman there was just recently an article about women having to comply with the sexual wants of their husbands, because otherwise they are ‘going against Gods laws’… IOW: According to that batsh*t crazy guy, the bible says that domestic violence is Gods Law. Wrap your mind around that picture and try to not scream out loud!
    (http://www.frontiersman.com/articles/2011/07/20/faith/doc4e25134ce5b39386703783.txt)

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